Personal: Most Emotional Status Update According To A Single Millennial


Engagement Announcement

You wake up and it seems to be a great day. You get ready and have a few minutes to spare so you get on your phone opening up the Facebook app to catch up with the lives of your friends from college that you left to pursue an internship after graduation. You watch a few funny animal videos and life is great until it happens. Your stomach drops. The headline notifies you that there has been a status update. The nerdy kid that you never would have thought or even guessed, found a girl to call his own. They are engaged now. The still single millennial has to go through the stages of emotion.

Phase 1: Shock

You can’t believe it happened. Am I reading this right since my thumb was scrolling pretty fast? Doubt and questioning follow until you do some “research” (AKA stocking/creeping). Yep, it’s confirmed. The couple have many pictures together that you have never noticed before until this day. You are pretty sure they aren’t Photo-shopped.  You have no choice but to believe this is a real thing. Take a few minutes to let it all sink in.

Phase 2: Insecurity

You start questioning your relationship status by playing the comparison game. Your life is more like a romantic suicide than a romantic comedy…well to others your romantic life could be laughed at but the wedding bells sound more like the dings from the boxing ring. Your almost down for the count when you start getting mad at yourself for making the status about you instead of being excited for the happy couple.

Phase 3: Fake Happiness

You pretend to that you are happy for them. You fake a smile as you comment some encouraging emojis. That will let them know that you “support” them. There is a rumor that you can trick your brain into thinking you are happy if you force a smile. You try that.

Phase 4: Depression

Your invited to the pity party and there is no plus ones written in. Loneliness starts kicking in.  You wonder if you will ever find someone who will love you like that. You start asking yourself if someone will look at you like they look at each other in their posed engagement photos. They look happy. Will you ever be that happy? Who would ever fall for someone like you anyway. Bring on the comfort food and Kleenex.

Phase 5: Realization

Wake up! You are a great person. Someone would be a fool to overlook you. It’s not like you are ugly…you are decent looking. Someone will come along then you will get to update that status in no time at all. After all, it will be worth the wait. Better to wait than to marry someone you don’t like and get a divorce. It doesn’t matter if you are single still. It is actually freeing. You can do what you want, when you want without asking permission. It’s great being a single Pringle as long as you aren’t the crumb in the bottom of the tube that gets thrown away. You are a strong and independent! Good pep talk. I will come up with a better one in an hour.

Phase 6: Whatever

You set your phone down with your now sweaty hand, rub your forehead, and walk away mumbling under your breath “whatever, doesn’t bother me…being single is great”. It ruins the mood of the day but you pretend it doesn’t so you ignore it. You don’t even really know them so you start wondering if you will even be invited to the wedding. Even if you were, why would you want to go when you would be thrown at the single table in the back corner as you watch the Facebook status change to engaged to married. Whatever.

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